Old Faithfull

It's been a while since A) I've gotten 'compose' to work and B) since Squareboy truly surprised me with his ability to discombulate me. Let's see if A) works while I tell you about B).

Friday night, and again, it's been awhile since A) has worked so I'm starting fairly recently and everything inbetween can best be guessed, I broke down and went to Cheapalot. It being the week before Christmas, and the week we moved, and the week love-of-my-life was gone, I felt the need to take Squareboy and daughter. For bonding time. I also took Eldest and the Girlfriend, yes a new character, primarily because I felt uncomfortable leaving them alone under just the supervision of Middle Child and Number Two. Hickies, you see, are also new characters to my neverending saga. Sigh.

Anyway, as I should've known, the day before Christmas Eve, Cheapalot was packed. Wow. Really, really packed. But I needed some crab for the crab cocktail, some jalapeno jelly for the h'orsdeuvres, some cream for the bavarois, etc. etc. By the time I fought my way through the masses for each ingredient, save the jalapeno jelly, which, oddly, Cheapalot carries but was inconveniently out of, I felt I deserved the treat of an ice-cold, full-price, right-by-the-cashier, coke. That first sip went down soooooooo smooth. Soooo cool, so perfect. The second sip just about hit the ceiling.

Squareboy jumped on me right as I took that second sip. The bottle, plastic but hard, split my lip. Coke hit me in the eye. In the hair. Geyser up about 20 feet, seriously, not exaggerating. My red Christmas sweater got soaked, a puddle appeared at my feet and the poor newborn baby in front of us got his first taste of coke. I don't think I have ever, ever been more mortified in public. I felt every eye in Cheapalot turn to me, every brain thinking the same thought "how will she punish that boy." And in that lay the real issue.

How do you properly punish a child who made a grievous error in public? Whip of the belt and beat him in public? I felt like it, what with a split lip and coke dripping from my hair and eyelashes. A serious cursing? I felt like that too, except the moment had truly taken my breath, and hence my words, away long enough to forget to curse and collect my thoughts. I had one of two choices really: laugh or cry. I turned to the Eldest and told him to take Squareboy to the car. Now.

Three seconds after they left I made eye contact with another customer and then with the Girlfriend and I choose option One. I laughed. Of course I apologize profusely, to everyone around me, the cashier, the parents of the newborn baby, the Girlfriend. And I frantically mopped up as much coke as I could with the remaining dry spots on my sweater and my jacket until the cashier rescued me with paper towels. The most impressive part? The very next day the Girlfriend came back for another visit anyway.